


Lost to him

by Halevetica



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Castiel (Supernatural), Angry Dean Winchester, Angst, Dean and Cas go to purgatory, Leviathan flower, Leviathans, M/M, Post 15x08, Post-Episode: s15e08 Our Father Who Aren't in Heaven, Purgatory, Sassy Castiel (Supernatural), Season/Series 15 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:28:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21830404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halevetica/pseuds/Halevetica
Summary: Dean and Cas return to purgatory in search of a Leviathan flower.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 80





	Lost to him

The deep orange glow of the tear Michael made illuminated in Dean's eyes. His chest constricting with the pressure of going back to that place. The place so pure, so natural for him. The place that brought Benny into his life. The place that brought Cas back to him when he was lost in his own mind. The place he called home for nearly a year.

He needed to call Sam, let him know what he was doing. He pulled his phone to call his brother when Cas stepped forward.

"Whoa, what are you doing?" Dean stepped towards the angel to stop him but refrained from reaching out.

"We've only got twelve hours," Cas answered sharply, his eyes still staring forward as he paused just in front of the rift.

Dean hated the distance between them. The lack of eye contact the past few days nearly drove Dean mad. He and Cas had once been so close and were now practically strangers.

"You're not going alone." It was spoke almost as an order, causing Cas' shoulders to tense.

"Don't trust me to get what we need?" Cas barked, his head turning to the side, yet his eyes still not looking towards Dean.

"You're a Beacon of light, remember? You might need backup," Dean growled, as he sent Sam a text.

Cas didn't respond as he pushed through the tear in space with Dean close on his heels.

The familiar glum of purgatory was almost comforting to Dean. Here he knew what to expect. He knew how to survive. He thrived here. There were just monsters. No heaven, no hell, no people to get caught in the crossfires. No chuck.

He took in a deep breath. The stale smell of moss and wet leaves filled his nose.

"Well, now will you look at that," a familiar voice caused Dean and Cas' eyes to snap to their left.

A new constriction pulled at Dean's chest as Benny made his way towards the pair.

"I should have known that bright light was you, you've got all of purgatory headin' this way," Benny glanced behind him where curious eyes danced in the distance. The monsters too afraid to journey too close.

Dean's reputation proceeded him it seemed.

"Benny," Dean pulled the man into him, in a tight embrace.

"What brings you back here and with hot wings no less?" Benny glanced at where a glaring Cas was now holding his angel blade tightly in his grasp.

"Trouble back home. Long story. We're here on business," Dean answered, his eyes dropping as if in shame.

"We need a Leviathan flower," Cas finished, his tone sharp.

"You still following him headfirst into danger?" Benny asked Cas before turning back to Dean. "You've got one loyal angel there, brother. It's no wonder you ripped through all of purgatory to find him before."

Dean and Cas both visibly tensed. That had been a simpler time.

"Do you know where we can find one or not?" Cas snapped, his eyes darting out towards where rustling could be heard amongst the trees.

"A Leviathan flower? I might know where a bush or two are," Benny nodded.

"Then perhaps you two can play catch up along the way," Cas' tone continued to bite.

"What's got his feathers in a wad?" Benny asked, leaning over towards Dean.

"Also a long story," Dean sighed.

"In summary, Dean,' Cas' glare still avoided Dean.

Benny only raised a brow.

Dean rolled his eyes but said nothing in return. He knew it was true, but now was not the time.

"Well, come on, follow me," Benny gestured at the pair as he started towards the thick of the woods.

The werewolves, vampires, and other monsters watched with curious eyes as the three walked on.

Dean's hand held firmly to his own angel blade, itching to lash out at something. His anger towards Cas was beginning to bubble over and this was a place where he could let it.

The familiar whistled sound like a comet was as much a relief to Dean as it was dreaded. The familiar splat of Leviathan goo landed less than ten feet in front of them.

"Our angel is back I see," The female grinned maniacally as she eyed Cas.

"I think you're forgetting whose angel he really is," Benny gestured over his shoulder with a nod, towards Dean.

"Winchester," She sneered at the sight behind Benny.

With a lunge she was attacking Benny, throwing him into a nearby tree. Dean went to attack but a loud thud behind him alerted him to another Leviathan.

Dean lifted his blade to lash out at the woman only to have his arms caught by the other Leviathan. The woman showed rows and rows of teeth as she neared Dean, when suddenly Cas' angel blade was stuck through her head. He yanked, pulling her down and pinning her to the ground.

Benny, having recovered, swiped his blade, taking off the head of the Leviathan holding Dean's arms.

Dean took the familiar obsidian blade and with a loud thwack, severed the head of the pinned Leviathan.

"We should hurry," Cas said, pulling his angel blade from the severed head.

The three made their way to a small cave, where just along the rock was an odd-looking deep blue, almost black, flower. The petals drooped like wilted tear drops from the dark center. The leaves serrated like a blade and the stems riddled with thorns not unlike a rose.

"Whoa," Benny caught Dean's hand before he could grab at the small foliage. "One prick and those things'll make you hallucinate into next week."

Dean shrugged off his overshirt and carefully used it like a glove, using his angel blade to separate the stem from the rest of the bush.

"We should get more than one, just to be safe," Cas suggested then.

Dean plucked three more from the bush before carefully wrapping them in his shirt.

"Allow me," Cas took the shirt, still warm from being wrapped around Dean, and tucked it into the large inside pocket of his trench coat.

"You really like that coat, don't ya?" Benny asked, nodding to the long tan article of clothing.

Cas only narrowed his eyes. "We should head back, we're on borrowed time."

"I'll walk you two back, just in case any more big mouth's show up," Benny put a hand on Dean's back that didn't go unnoticed by Cas.

"So what happened, you two break up?" Benny asked in a teasing tone as they made their way through the woods once more.

Dean pursed his lips slightly, the dimples at the edge of his mouth showing his discontent. How did everyone know that he and Cas were on the outs? First Rowena. Adam even knew somehow. And now Benny.

"You two were-" Benny was cut off by Cas' angry tone.

"We were never together."

"Well you could of fooled me," Benny looked to Dean who remained silent.

The rest of the walk was consumed by Dean catching Benny up on the happenings across the rift. They were only interrupted once on their way by a few werewolves who thought they might attempt to take down the infamous hunter and his angel. They didn't succeed.

As they reached the rift once more the familiar sound of incoming Leviathan could be heard.

"I'll hold them off, you two take care, and figure out whatever the hell this is," Benny gestured between Dean and Cas. "You two are better together, anyone can see it."

Dean hesitated for only a second before gripping Benny in one last hug. "Thank you, Benny. Again."

"Aw, it' ain't nothin' brother. Take care now, you hear?"

"You can't hold them off alone," Cas noted that there were four Leviathan that had landed behind them.

"I just need to hold them off long enough for you two to get through."

A swell of nausea washed over Dean. He whipped around to face Cas, meeting his eyes for the first real time in weeks. "You are not staying behind again."

"Don't act like you care," Cas growled back. "Wouldn't you rather know your friend is okay?"

Dean grabbed at the angel's jacket and shoved him back towards the rift.

Purgatory, eager to spit the human and his angel out, almost gave a forceful shove as Dean and Cas stumbled through, back into the bunker.

Cas, after regaining his balance, pulled out the wrapped plaid shirt, tossing it carelessly onto the nearby table before turning to walk away.

"Were you really going to stay behind?" Dean barked, his eyes on the back of Cas' head.

Cas paused for a moment before silently walking away, leaving Dean filled with every possible emotion. Anger, at Cas for daring to put Dean through that again. Pain, at the thought that he made Cas feel like Dean wouldn't care. Relief, that he and Cas had returned safely. Regret, that Benny was once again lost to him.

A new wave of sadness washed over him as he realized that Cas was also lost to him, only in a much different way, and this time it was his fault.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Lost to him(Destiel podfic)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21856813) by [Halevetica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halevetica/pseuds/Halevetica)




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